Wow, it has been a while since I wrote about anything! Didn’t realize that it had been so long for my blog (I know it has been a while since I did anything with my screenplay).
Anyways, Alex and I made the decision to get back in the healthy eating, water guzzling, exercising habits that we had after February. It is amazing how weeks of lack of willpower and poor health decisions causes one to feel a certain way and how that certain way was the norm just a few years ago. I felt awful: sluggish, moody, constantly hungry, and did not sleep well.
However; flipping the switch feels like it weighs a million pounds. We did go work out for 1 1/2 hour on Tuesday and I felt tired but encouraged afterwards but Wednesday he took overtime and because he works night that meant he needed to spend the rest of the time he was home sleeping. And while I could’ve gone by myself, I did not with the excuse that he wasn’t going. Thursday I just didn’t feel up to it. Combine these things with not feeling well on Saturday (I will spare you the details of how sick I was but luckily by the end of the night my body was recovering) and not exactly feeling that great today, I have used my excuses well.
I make similar ones with my writing although slightly more emotionally based: what if I don’t succeed or the strange one of what if I do succeed, I want to spend time with my husband watching movies not my back to him while I type away, I think about it does it count, etc etc. How did the person who made sure her homework was done before dinner (or almost done) on a regular basis become someone who barely has the energy to write a few words on the computer? How did someone with the energy to run around after my cousins become so lazy? Why did growing up mean that I slowed down and did nothing to move myself forward allowing every bit of self doubt to add to my lack of willpower (or is it the self doubt that causes the lack of willpower)?
I suppose instead of dwelling on what I’ve become maybe I should focus on who and where I want to be and where and who I want my family to be.