Trying to Conceive

Trying to Conceive Part 4: I think I am torturing myself

After finding out one of cousins is pregnant after I think maybe 2 years of marriage and even learning of one of my favorite TV characters is pregnant (it’s stupid but still hurts), I’ve done some searching for other people like me who are trying to conceive and with varying degrees of their journey and time frame.

But I find myself crying more by doing this and I thought that maybe relating to other people would help me find solace in the fact that I am far from the only one who is going through this. I wonder if by doing this I am actually intensifying the pain and with the constant (I do mean constant) comments and questions about having a baby, I cry at the thought of hearing another one.

Sometimes I wish Alex could have the constant comments but at the same time I don’t because it is an awful feeling especially knowing that it is your body that isn’t functioning the way it should be at this moment. All the other tests but one of mine came back normal which is my insulin level which means I could either be pre-diabetic or have PCOS but considering my regular sugar level tests always coming back normal (although I do have a family history and Alex was diagnosed as pre-diabetic last year which doesn’t help), I think it is PCOS especially with my other more outward symptoms of it. My tubes are open and I have no cysts which are fantastic things but how is it that one little thing is affecting everything. Maybe it is like my epilepsy, the issue with my brain is very tiny but somehow causes seizures?

All I know right now is the side effect of Metformin is annoying and all these emotions are draining my ability to remain positive.


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