Trying to Conceive

Trying to Conceive Part 8: I was so sure this time!

AF showed up this month 2 days early.  I’ve been on metformin for 3 months so I called the doctor because I am pretty sure he said to stay on it for 3 months and after that to call and go from there.

A week ago, I spotted about a week after I should have ovulated so I could have sworn that this was going to be my month instead I noticed spotting last night which just got stronger this morning. So, last night I cried knowing that it wasn’t my month.

I just want it so bad. I want the time, the experiences that comes with being a parent that so many people take for granted. I want to complain about my back hurting because I have a human growing inside me, not because I didn’t sleep well.

Alex is great though. He was trying to make me laugh and it worked this morning. Of course, there had to be a Clear Blue pregnancy test commercial on as he hugged me before going to bed. I’m very lucky to have him.

So for now, I am going to ignore the pregnancy websites and try not to think about it too much although they say thinking about things like they are already yours rather than they aren’t puts it into the universe that it should be yours. I’ve been doing that for years now so becoming a bit more difficult to think positive except now I know the next step and I am not in the dark about my body.

I’m going to put my energy into myself and my writing. I won’t be much of a mother if I have no energy to have them and I won’t be happy if I waste my potential to be a great screenwriter.

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