I think this is part 13 but again, I’m not really sure so the title may change in a second or so.
So my fertility specialist/doctor told me to call by the 27th if I didn’t have my period because my period started on the 27th day last month. I decided not to do that because for the last 4 months I have literally been 27 days and then 29 days so I waited till yesterday. Nothing yet which is awesome but now it has created the symptom checking monster. I want to look up everything and I am noticing every little cramp that could possibly be something, double checking a little extra when I pee just to make sure, measuring how heavy my boobs actually are, noticing how often I wake up in the night, all of it.
I have so many of the symptoms of PMS which just happen to be the same as early pregnancy symptoms that I have no clue if I am or not and I even told my mom that who is extremely anxious and asking me things like “do your boobs hurt”. Nothing like sharing certain details with your mother but it’s sort of helped talking about the more medical part of TTC that I can’t with others and my husband knows it all by now.
I started a little journal for my future children. It shares a lot and in probably more random detail than it should and I’m trying my best to not perfect it because I do have a touch of OCD. I think my kid(s) should see their mom as a human. I’m not perfect now and I won’t be then, I have certain things that I hide even from my husband to some degree and it may help my kid(s) someday to see these things and know what it was like trying to conceive them (especially when they think I don’t love them because they didn’t get another cupcake) and they or someone they know may have PCOS too and hearing/seeing the other side is important. There are a few entries like the random stuff from my favorite color to a bit about the family, how I will be watching their social media accounts because I was around before Wi-Fi! There is even one about my strange combination of perfectionism and laziness. Most importantly, it starts off with an I love you and shares some details about my medical journey trying to conceive.