I’m seeing a lot of doctors for this pregnancy and while some of this post will mention my pregnancy it is about the other important person in my life: my husband Alex.
We saw the high risk obstetrician yesterday and while he said he saw no signs of birth defects but due to my weight, he wants to have an echocardiogram of the baby’s heart just to make sure everything is developing properly. Granted, that does make me a bit nervous but let’s add one more doctor to my list. He also put me on an aspirin regimen because of my high platelet counts in previous lab work which is something you would think my hematologist would have done besides focusing slowly on the anemia. Having high platelets can cause low birth weight and increases the chance of miscarriage. Talking about my hematologist though, two weeks ago I went and got lab work. I drove the half hour to make sure their lab did the work although I could do so just a few minutes from my home because they seem to be unable to receive faxes with the results. I was supposed to see her today when I got the call stating that I need to have more work done and because these results take longer to get, I had to reschedule and go in again next Friday to get more done because somehow either she didn’t write it or they didn’t read it. Ugh!
But on to Alex. He has been complaining about side/back pain that feels as though someone is punching him and twisting his skin at the same time when he moves. It got to the point that I took him to the local express care because it was going to be faster than calling our doctor. The person requested an x ray and later on yesterday, he was told he had a mass somewhere in his chest cavity. The person did not believe it was in his lungs because he isn’t having issues breathing but that it was not likely to be blood pooling there as there was no exterior discoloration on his body. He had to take today off and wait for our doctor to schedule a CT scan which most likely won’t be today because they have to check with the insurance about what they will receive first and the nurse at the doctor’s office wanted to know what days he could do it when it hasn’t been scheduled. How can he say it can be done this day if you know it might not be scheduled for that day? Also, they brought up a sugar test. A few months back the doctor labeled him pre-diabetic and while sugar issues run in our families wouldn’t you think that scheduling the scan as soon as possible would be the top priority and leave the sugar tests till after we know what is causing him so much pain and whether we should be preparing for more?
I’m nearly 5 months pregnant and I found out my husband possibly has cancer. I was already so focused on the finances or lack there of and now I don’t care about any of it because I looked over at my husband this morning as I put my fingers through his hair as he slept and I just started crying. I’m crying right now saying this because I am so scared he won’t be there one of these mornings. I only need one person in my life right now and it is him. I worry he won’t be there to see this baby in person and not just a screen. I worry that the baby will only know their father through pictures and stories. Debt can be figured out but death can’t and my head is already at the worst possible point.
I’m sitting here wondering when the doctor will call and thinking about what we are going to tell the families. We decided to tell them sooner than later because we don’t know when things will be scheduled. I’m tired of doctors; I’m tired of waiting to find out what’s going to happen with the rest of my life. I can’t believe how quickly all the joy of having this baby inside me has disappeared because I might not have the person who made them with me by my side.